Respectfully Visiting the Cemetery
Losing a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences in life. While everyone grieves differently, some people find comfort in visiting the final resting place of their loved ones. For some, this may be a cemetery, but for others, it may be a special place that was meaningful to their loved one or a place that brings them peace.
Visiting a loved one’s final resting place may help you feel more connected to them. Being in a place that was special to them or where they now rest can bring a sense of closeness that may be hard to find elsewhere.
After losing a loved one, it’s common to feel a range of emotions. Sometimes, it’s helpful to take some time for quiet reflection or prayer. Consider bringing a journal to the cemetery and writing down your thoughts and feelings. Being close to your loved one may help you express yourself more sincerely.
Many people want to feel a sense of connection to their lost loved ones. Although you may not hear their answers, visiting their final resting place can provide an opportunity to talk to them. It’s a natural and meaningful way to grieve, and may bring comfort and a sense of closure.
For many people, visiting a loved one’s grave becomes a comforting tradition. It may start with bringing flowers or mementos on special days like birthdays or holidays, but over time, it can become a joyful and peace-filled ritual that keeps their memory alive.
Visiting the grave of a loved one can be a crucial part of the grief journey. It can aid in processing the loss and reflecting on memories of the loved one. However, going to a cemetery can be intimidating, particularly if one is not familiar with cemetery etiquette. Whether one goes to the cemetery alone or with others, it is crucial to be mindful of those around. Remember, cemeteries are sacred places that hold a lot of meaning for many people. Let’s all do our part to keep them peaceful and respectful. By following the tips below, you can show respect to other mourners, the groundskeepers, and the those of the community buried in the cemetery.
Objects to avoid leaving at gravesites
Avoid using solar lights and plastic fences, as they create extra work for the grounds crew who have to remove them before mowing the grass. Remember that they need time to enhance the overall experience for everyone.
Refrain from leaving food or drinks on the headstones, as it can attract rodents and insects. This can be a nuisance to other visitors as well as a potential health hazard.
Do not leave breakable or fragile items on the graves. Even if you are careful in setting them up, they will eventually break and someone (most likely a grounds crew employee) will have to clean it up.
Instead leave a bouquet of flowers, a favorite photo, coins, or decorate the grave (i.e. for Christmas or a birthday) and return to clean-up.
Respecting others visit
If you come across other visitors, it’s okay to nod and smile, but be respectful of their space. People often visit cemeteries to grieve and mourn their loved ones, so try not to interrupt their solitude or prayer.
If there is a funeral taking place nearby, be considerate and wait until it’s over before wandering around. Show respect to the family and avoid disrupting their service.
Drive with care
When driving through a cemetery, it’s important to slow down and be more cautious than usual. Stay on the roadways and avoid driving on the grass, even for parking, unless there is enough space for another car to pass without any difficulty. Follow the cemetery’s posted speed limit; if there are no signs, drive at 10 mph or slower.
Respect graves and monuments
Out of respect for both the deceased in the cemetery and their loved ones, avoid touching monuments or stepping on graves. While walking through some cemeteries, it can be difficult to tell where it’s okay to step. Try to follow the path made by the headstones, and don’t step over or on headstones or monuments. Additionally, removing anything left by another person at a grave is inappropriate.
Be considerate of other mourners
People visiting a cemetery are likely visiting a deceased loved one and may be overwhelmed with emotion, praying, or spending time in contemplation. To respect their needs, keep your speaking volume low and avoid talking on the phone or playing loud music. Keep your phone on vibrate or silent to keep distractions at a minimum. If a funeral or graveside service is going on while you visit, steer clear and leave them plenty of room. It’s also inappropriate to take photos of someone else’s funeral or of someone who is visiting a grave.
Keep an eye on children and pets
If you bring your child to a cemetery, ensure that they know the rules and can follow them before bringing them with you. Some cemeteries allow owners to bring their pets, while others only allow service dogs. If your cemetery does allow pets, keep them on a leash at all times. Make sure you clean up after your pet.
Clean up after yourself
Out of respect for other visitors and the groundskeepers, don’t litter and pick up any trash you see. If your cemetery doesn’t have a trash can, you can take the trash back with you – and next time you visit, bring a bag to put trash in. Leaving food at a grave can also attract ants, bugs, and critters, so many cemeteries recommend that you not leave food at a grave.
Learn the cemetery’s specific rules
Different cemeteries have their own rules, so learn your cemetery’s regulations before you go. One way to determine the cemetery’s rules is to check their website or call the office. If you can’t find any information online, many cemeteries also have a sign near the entrance with their rules. Most cemeteries are also only open at certain times, so please respect your cemetery’s hours.
What are these coins laying on a headstone?
The practice of placing pennies on graves is a tradition that has various interpretations. Some believe that leaving a penny on a grave shows respect and remembrance for the deceased. It also symbolizes good luck or fortune for the person visiting the grave. Others believe that it is a way to convey that the dead is not forgotten and is still being remembered by friends and family. Some religious or spiritual beliefs may be associated with placing a penny on a grave. Ultimately, the meaning and significance of this tradition can vary depending on the individual and their ideas.
If the headstone or marker is one of a soldier it can have different meanings. A coin left on a headstone tells the deceased soldier’s family that somebody stopped by to pay their respects.
In western culture:
- A penny means someone visited.
- A nickel means the visitor and the deceased veteran trained at boot camp together.
- A dime means the visitor and the deceased veteran served together in some capacity.
- A quarter is very significant because it means that the visitor were there when that veteran died.
It is possible that you may find challenge coins left at a veteran’s grave, in addition to the four standard coins, as a token of respect. Challenge coins were first used by Special Forces units during the Vietnam War and gained popularity since then. They usually indicate group membership in a certain unit or are presented by unit commanders as a symbol of recognition and achievement.
If you ever come across a challenge coin on a veteran’s grave, it shows the highest level of respect and is most likely left by a fellow soldier. The challenge coin may also feature the emblem of the deceased veteran’s military unit. It is important to note that you should never take a challenge coin if you come across one. Let it serve as a respectful reminder for years to come.
The tradition of leaving coins on the headstones of military men and women can be traced as far back as the Roman Empire. Soldiers would insert a coin into the mouth of a fallen soldier to ensure they could cross the “River Styx” into the afterlife. In the US, this practice became common during the Vietnam War; due to the political divide in the country over the war, leaving a coin was seen as a more practical way to communicate that you had visited the grave than contacting the soldier’s family, which could devolve into an uncomfortable argument over politics relating to the war.
What happens to the coins?
They are collected from the gravesites monthly and the money is used for cemetery maintenance.
